The Masters Guide to Torture
by Biscuitbuns
Summary: NNY decides to write down a bunch of his favorite tortures. And decides to put a few of them into practice.


Author's Note: I went from page to page, and source after online source to research this so it is all factual. Enjoy.

NNY had this notion to do some writing. So he got his very thick notebook, and an ink pen and began to write down whatever popped into his head. "How to grind up dead corpses into mulch", NNY looked at the title and scratched it out. "How to Kill people after you befriend them", oh this would have been perfect...except he had no real friends to experiment on. Then it hit him like a baseball bat across the face, "The Master's Guide To Torture". That was the most perfect title ever. So NNY began to write the book.

"The Master's Guide to Torture. By NNY" 'Perfect!' squealed NNY excitedly, and he began to write.

1\. The Judas Cradle- a medieval torture where the victim was placed on top of a pyramid like seat. The victim's feet were tied together in a way that moving one leg would force the other to move as well- increasing the pain. The pyramid shaped end of the Judas Chair was inserted into the anus or vagina, this could last for several hours or several days. Victims often died from infections after the torture.

NNY was thinking about his steel tipped Judas Chair in the basement. He smiled as he remembered the first time he had used it. It was three years ago, a family had moved in next door. They had a little boy...Todd. He was ugly as far as kids went, but certainly did not deserve to be ignored by his parents. They yelled at him, ignored him, and even refused to tuck him in at night! Kids need to be properly tucked in at night. This had gone on for a couple of days. NNY had had enough of seeing this abuse towards that kid.

So he had snuck over to that house and killed the father, and the mother was passed out drunk. In the morning, she awoke in a hung over stupor, only to find herself naked and tied up. She was suspended by a pulley and dangling precariously over what looked like a huge spike. Then NNY had walked into the room. "You are a very bad mommy, " said NNY "little Todd doesn't deserve you as a mother. You never tucked him in, you neglected him, yelled at him and that makes you a bad, bad mommy." She didn't know what to say, she looked at NNY with a blank stare on her face, and mumbled out what sounded like "m'kay".

So NNY had begun to lower her onto the top of the Judas Chair. When warm flesh meets cold steel, it sent shocking waves of chills and fear throughout her body. So when she was about three feet from the top after NNY had raised her back up, NNY had decided to drop her right on top of the chair's peak. She screamed out in horrific pain. Each time she moved her legs, pain coursed through her body. She begged and pleaded for NNY to let her go, to get her off of that peak. But her pleas and cries fell upon deaf ears. NNY had left her there to die in pain and sorrow. He would raise little Todd as his own.

And he did. Todd was raised properly, tucked in right each night, and sent to school. When Todd graduated from school, and got married, NNY was slightly happy that day. Todd's mom and dad however, made some of the best compost for canna lilies ever.

2\. Flaying-this was used to kill criminals, captured soldiers, and witches. The hands were bound together, and hung from a hook, the feet were bound together, and this exposed the complete body; and the torturer would use a sharp knife to slowly peel off the victim's skin.

NNY also remembered when he had flayed his first victim. It was a pizza cook who had gotten his order wrong again. "Pepperoni pizza should ALWAYS come with plenty of ranch dressing!" Screamed NNY as he flayed the screaming naked man with a pizza cutter.

3\. The Pear of Anguish- its a pear shaped instrument inserted into one of the victim's orifices, and it would be inserted into the vagina for women, the anus for homosexuals, and the mouth for liars and blasphemers. It basically consisted of four leaves, that slowly separated from each other as the torturer turned a screw from the top, tearing the skin to expand the pear to its maximum size, thereby mutilating the victim.

NNY couldn't remember the last time he had seen his own rebuilt Pear of Anguish. "I gotta clean out the basement soon, " thought NNY "its cluttered and the bodies are piling up."

4\. The Spanish Donkey- naked victims were seated aside the apparatus, a vertical wood board with a sharp v-shaped wedge on top. Varying weights were attached to their feet. The victim's weight, plus the excess baggage caused the wedge to slice through their bodies, cutting them in half.

NNY smiled on that memory, "that was a fun one to watch, " he sighed contentedly. NNY was remembering the first person to be sliced in half by the Spanish Donkey. It was the nosy man next door, always peeking into his windows trying to catch a glimpse of something. One day, NNY gave him the greatest sight to behold...the Spanish Donkey. "Now my nosy friend, " spat NNY excitedly "you are going to be the first one to try out my new device, The Spanish Donkey!" NNY hit the man with a wrench knocking him out. Five minutes later, the man woke up bound and naked, sitting aside the implement of his soon demise.

NNY realized the man was now awake, and was really eager to go. "Now, now, " cooed NNY "we've only just begun." And as fast as NNY could move, he prepared the man for slicing. "This is what happens to people that get too nosy for their own good!" shouted NNY as he attached the weights to the man's feet. Now NNY sat in a chair and munched on toffee flavored crunch and munch, and sipped on the double cherry freezie and watched the weights do their job. To the delight of NNY, hearing the anguish cries of pain and squeals of panic were but music to his ears.

But as always NNY had a plan for everything. And that list included "how to make human corpses into compost", and his favorite one was the "CIA's guide to torture". NNY knew sooner or later he would have to peruse that one. But as luck would have it, the blades on the huge shredder needed sharpening. "No mulch today," thought NNY "unless I can get that shredder working again." But that was for another day. NNY had spring in his heart. Which spelled certain doom for his next set of victims.

He sauntered down to the first floor of his dungeon. "Gotta clean down here more often." said NNY as he switched on the light. He walked over to the cabinet on the wall, "which one of these cabinet doors do I wanna open today?" mused NNY as he did the eeny meeny miney moe..to decide which door to open. He landed on the one marked "forks".

NNY smiled with glee. "Forks, my very favorite little objects," he squealed with delight as he opened the door. Forks of all kinds, the heretics fork, multi pronged, pitch fork (not used for farming), the devil's pitch fork (how NNY got it we will never know), and finally the salad forks (but not used for salads).

"Which one will I use today?" sighed NNY. "The heretics fork looks good, hmmm.." NNY was quiet for a moment and finally grabbed the heretics fork.

5\. The Heretics Fork- it consists of two forked ends strapped around the victim's neck. The tines of the fork penetrate the flesh under the chin at one end, and the upper chest at the other.

NNY knew who his first victim would be.

That nosy old lady and her stupid yipping dog across the street.

NNY could have chosen anyone, and I do mean** anyone** for the torture...but the old lady had to go. That stupid noisy dog would find a similar fate awaiting it.

So NNY waited until the old crohn was drugged up and fast asleep. Even that stupid dog was doped up, and snoring. So NNY took the old lady first, then came back for the dog. And with the old woman drugged out of her mind, she wouldn't feel anything until she awoke in the morning. NNY strapped the dog to the torture rack. And with an evil laugh, he placed the heretics fork under the old woman's chin, and hoisted her up. As for the dog, NNY decided to see if the dog was linked to the old woman in any way. So when morning came, and the old woman awoke, she screeched at the shockwave of pain that flooded her body. As the drugs left her system, the more pain she felt.

Then the dog began to whine and whimper. So NNY watched as the heretics fork slowly killed the old woman, and the more it went in, the more pain the dog felt. "So they are linked, " thought NNY to himself "what ever the old woman feels, the dog feels too." This gave NNY a horrible idea.

He would cause the old woman to pee herself, and see if the dog pees on itself too.

This proved to be quality entertainment for NNY. Seeing the old woman and her dog sharing the pain of the torture, and seeing what reactions they would produce to the other painful stimuli he could produce. Of course there was the hooking up of electrodes to her toes, and administering a low voltage shock, the induction of pain by the insertion of red hot nails under her toenails, and finally the old woman had had enough. She raised her head just high enough to see the ceiling, and with the last ounce of her strength and endurance, she rammed the heretics fork deep into her own chest and quickly pulled it out. Blood gushed from the open wounds. She quickly bled to death in a matter of minutes.

"Excellent," sighed NNY outloud "the tortures work."

He went back to researching more tortures for his second chapter.


End file.
